Translator: Renkun27, chiangyushien
Ke Bu dragged on for too long when he should have said those words and should have made everything clear. Not only did it not fix anything, it even made it worse. Now that his fear had been uncovered, he thought that it should be the right time to look for Zhi Li to tell him the truth. Using sympathy as a way to preserve their agreement was not what he wanted. He was no longer that weak child back then in junior high school. He would not ask him to stay. The mistakes of the past had now been corrected. Even if later…the stubborn Ke Bu had no courage to continue.
Ke Bu finally found Zhi Li in the classroom. He wanted to approach him but Zhi Li was not the only one in the empty classroom, Gong Zhu was also standing in front of him. He could not see Zhi Li’s face, which unconsciously made him hide.
“Your Excellency, it’s my birthday in a few days. Can you please accompany me for a day? Just a day’s good.”
“I like you, Zhi Li. Is that reason not good enough? Is it wrong to be with someone you like on your birthday? I know I’m very abrupt. I don’t require you to like me either. In fact, I’m very afraid of celebrating my own birthday. I always remember my friends’ betrayal. In the end, my friends are gone because of my scandal of being gay. My boyfriend also left, but, I know that you’re not that kind of a person, and you don’t hate me because I like men. My request is very small. I just want you to accompany me for a day.”
“That’s not a good reason.” Zhi Li used his hand to support his head.
Gong Zhu was silent for a long time, long enough for Ke Bu not to know whether he should even wait there or not. Gong Zhu was somewhat stirred up: “What about Ke Bu? What’s the reason again why Ke Bu wanted to let you stay with him? Why is it that he can, and I cannot? Just because my parents didn’t divorce, it’s not enough to make you sympathize with me? I don’t know what’s going on between you guys, but is that okay? So much time has passed that you don’t realize this relationship is just a habit of being together? Not because you want to separate but because you’re uncertain? Like a vicious cycle of tumor-like feelings, is that how it is?” Zhi Li was taciturn. He was the most silent at a time he should not have been silent. This overwhelmed Ke Bu. His stomach rolled like a blazing fire. He ran away. This was not what he wanted to hear. What did Zhi Li’s silence mean? Was he thinking about Gong Zhu’s words? That was the reason why he confessed. It was to make Zhi Li sympathetic toward him, to accustom being together with him, and to not want to separate and be uncertain. This relationship was a malignant tumor. Zhi Li, this bastard, conceding so many things in one go. He wanted to make it easy for himself by any means. Could he not at least negate Gong Zhu? Even if it was a lie.
Ke Bu ran as fast as he could within the campus and accidentally bumped into someone.
“Sorry.” Ke Bu hurriedly apologized and tried running away without lifting his head. He was stopped by someone’s voice: “Ke Bu?”
Ke Bu looked back and saw Wang Xing. He was a former senior high school senior. He did not expect that he also came to this school. If he had not seen this face, he would have almost forgotten the existence of this man.
“I even thought I mistook you for someone else. It’s really you. Long time no see. You also go to this school? You live on the E floor, right? What’s your dorm room number? I’ll try to look for you later. Let’s go out and have some fun. You’ve only been in here for a few months, I presume. If you’re not yet familiar with the neighborhood, I’ll show you around.” In the face of Wang Xing’s enthusiasm, Ke Bu just wanted to leave quickly. He casually told Wang Xing his dormitory room number to find an excuse to leave, but then he ran and he ran. Then Ke Bu slowed down his pace. Running like this, where did he want to run away to? Where could he run away to? After being away, wandering around for a long time, Ke Bu finally returned to his dormitory; however, Wang Xing was unexpectedly waiting for him. How could Ke Bu not know why Wang Xing was so enthusiastic? For so many years, it was impossible for Ke Bu not to have one or two people liking him. Wang Xing was one of them. He confessed to him during senior high school. Of course, Ke Bu turned him down. At that time, Ke Bu did not understand clearly why he said no to others. Now, he actually understood it quite thoroughly. If one party had a crush on someone, he just wanted to keep the joke-like deal. Under his banner of disliking those people, he actually wanted to stay at Zhi Li’s side, regardless of what the form was.
“The people in the dorm said you’re not here. I’m here waiting to see if I can see you.”
“I didn’t expect you’d really come.”
“I said I would come. Do you want to go for a walk?” Ke Bu wanted to refuse but what could he do in his dormitory room? He needed to do something to calm his mind.
“All right.” When Ke Bu and Wang Xing were walking side-by-side together, Zhi Li just got back in time, causing them to run into each other. Zhi Li did not look at Wang Xing. He just frowned and coldly stared at Ke Bu. Ke Bu dodged his eyes and walked past by Zhi Li’s side. Zhi Li caught him by his wrist: “Don’t go with him.”
“Exchange condition?” Ke Bu abruptly asked. If he would not let himself go with others, what kind of exchange condition would Zhi Li use to make him stay? What else did he want to hear?
Don’t go, Zhi Li, don’t go, Zhi Li, don’t go, Zhi Li. Ke Bu recalled his weak voice to urge Zhi Li to stay. That was the beginning of all the mistakes. Ke Bu started to forcibly free himself from Zhi Li’s hand and did not give him the opportunity to speak: “How long will you sympathize with me?” After saying that, Ke bu did not look back and he followed Wang Xing, walking away. As they were walking, only Wang Xing spoke, and Ke Bu did not listen. Wang Xing suddenly said: “That’s Zhi Li, right? I heard about him from the junior sisters. I didn’t expect he really goes to this school. Did you know? That guy Zhi Li, he’s quite strange ever since the time we were in senior high school. Sometimes, his temper’s very bad in summer. He’s really scary. He thinks he could do whatever he likes just because he’s good-looking. I heard he’s very popular with the girls when he’s in junior high school, but he’s hated by many boys. That kind of omnipotent appearance, he’s more or less like a monster.”
Ke Bu stopped to look at Wang Xing. Unlike Zhi Li, Wang Xing might be gentle and soft. He might not sympathize with Ke Bu, but the most important thing was that he likes Ke Bu. Wang Xing grabbed Ke Bu by his shoulder. He slowly drew near Ke Bu. Ke Bu kept the distance between the two of them with his hand. He gently said: “You don’t understand Zhi Li. Don’t open your fucking mouth just to speak nonsense. What a pity, just because he’s better than you, you’re rejecting him. Is that his fault? Don’t tell me you’re requiring him to change himself just to accommodate you fools? Zhi Li is Zhi Li. Zhi Li’s better than anyone else.” Ke Bu was outraged so that he outstretched his fist and punched Wang Xing on his chin. He then ran toward his dormitory room. All of the problems were on himself. How could he blame Zhi Li? What else does Zhi Li need to do? He saved him from his own loneliness. He silently stayed by his side, just like that. He helped him hang those word boards. He helped him cover the water stains. He held his hand as they ran toward the classroom… The past events accumulated and turned into happiness because of Zhi Li.
Not only that, he also helped him with Su Youyan once. He always felt like he had seen Su Youyan somewhere before. Her expression was just like Zhi Li’s when they were in junior high school. Zhi li also noticed it. Being alone is tiring, so follow me hereafter. At that time, the reason why Zhi Li had said so, it was like seeing himself. Zhi Li was so good. Zhi Li was so good, how could he be compared to others. Ke Bu could not stay by any other person’s side apart from Zhi Li’s. From that day on, he began crying in his embrace. In his eyes, in his body, in his mind, in his heart — there was only Zhi Li.
Ke Bu ran back in one breath. Zhi Li’s dormitory room door was not closed. He walked in. As if Zhi Li knew that Ke Bu would be back, he lightly said: “Did you compare it?” Ke Bu did not respond. Zhi Li continued talking: “Let’s break up.” Ke Bu was dumbfounded there. Was this the answer he got when he rushed back to Zhi Li’s side?
“Okay, it just so happens that, originally, I just…” He had no more blunt words to squeeze out. He did not even have the strength to talk, but he still tried to be brave.
Zhi Li closed the door and leaned behind it: “Do you think I’m a nice person?”
“You really aren’t a nice person. You always say words that cause some to misunderstand. I obviously know that this is your nature. I’m really not willing, but I’m being controlled by you. I’m really not willing, but I’m falling in love with you. I’m really not willing, but I’m going to let you break up first.”
“Have I said those words to anyone else?”
“Give me a good answer.” Zhi Li’s gaze was overbearing.
“You also know there’s none.” Zhi Li’s words were filled with irony: “Do you think I’d kindly sympathize with you to that extent? Can this agreement be sustained by simple compassion? Do I need to sympathize with you? You’re not the only one saved that day in junior high school. You’re not the only one who wants someone around. You realized that, didn’t you? Let me fucking remember it nicely. What are you afraid of all these years? Afraid to hear the answer from me? What are you running from? Even if you’ll go to another man, it will only make you understand, Ke Bu, that you can’t live without me. It’s as simple as that.” Zhi Li stepped forward, grabbed Ke Bu, and dragged him into his embrace: “It’s like I can’t live without you.”
Zhi Li’s words made Ke Bu unable to think. What’s this? He was taken away, and everything was easily taken away, and Ke Bu repeated Zhi Li’s name. Ke Bu suddenly pushed him away and shook his head: “No, I don’t want to hear these words.” Seeing Ke Bu going out of control, Zhi Li grabbed Ke Bu’s wrist. His magnetic and pleasant voice bursted forth in the air: “I like you, Ke Bu.”
Ke Bu calmed down. Yes, that was all he wanted to hear. Because he previously said If I like a person, I will directly say it, it turned out that everything was just solved by such simple words. All of thosw restless thoughts were just appeased by such simple words. To be fond of Zhi Li’s moods was a violent rise and fall motion — never did it stop. Ke Bu had long been unable to succeed in escaping.