SP: Chapter 34. Conflicting Advice

Seme/uke was a wholly new concept for me. It simply does not exist in St. Catherine’s primary schooling. I didn’t learn about it until I started attending Grade 9 at the high school.

At first, I was aghast. It seemed like a horrible idea, a system designed and run by bullies to sexually abuse smaller and weaker students. This was not my experience though.

I met a nice boy there who was a seme and wanted me to be his uke. We became quite good friends. Eventually I fell in love with him. I don’t think he actually ever felt a romantic love for me, but he was such a good person and he took such good care of me that, at the time, I couldn’t tell the difference.

We were seme/uke the entire four years and then we graduated. Yes, before you ask, we did have sex on occasion. I think it fulfilled his biological need, and it filled my emotional one.

After we graduated, we went our separate ways. He left the country to pursue a sports scholarship and I remained locally. I wanted to give back to the community that raised me.

Yes, I was saddened that we had to part. We still communicated from time to time. We shared our memories together. We met at our 10th reunion. He had such a lovely wife and 2 babies. I also had a blushing bride and a little one on the way.

I have often heard ridicule or scorn from people who have heard my story. They express rude comments about how he should have loved me, like I was some victim of an unrequited love. Or bitterness that he’s married and is now living a lie, or they stay the same to me.

Please don’t insult our love like that. What we had was very special. He was my first love, the only boy, and now a man, that I’ve ever loved. But first loves are just that: first. For most of us, we simply and inevitably had to move on to our second loves and so on.

I will always look upon our experiences at St. Catherine’s with great fondness and I do not begrudge him one bit that he found his true love and now has a wonderful family and career. I wish him all the happiness that life can offer, and I know he wishes the same for me.

—Anonymous confessions of a former uke.


As they finished eating, Kato thought about what Murata said. He certainly didn’t want to make anyone mad, so as everyone got up and started exiting, he approached Takahashi.



“Um, tonight. Would you mind if Murata-san and Nakamura-san joined us for the movie?”

“Yeah, sure,” Takahashi flatly replied.

It wasn’t quite the response he hoped for. He wasn’t sure why Takahashi got an attitude like this when it came to Murata.

“Okay, thank you,” Kato replied. He turned and caught up to Murata. Murata had that stupid, knowing smile on his face.

“Asking daddy for permission?” Murata gleefully inquired.

“Fuck off. This was all your idea anyway,” Kato snidely replied. “But he was fine with it.” At least, Kato was hoping he was fine with it.

“Ok, then. Movie starts at 8. Don’t be late.”


Kato entered the room. He remembered the last conversation he had with Tachibana. He was hoping that Tachibana would be in a better mood. He was apparently getting ready for showers.


Tachibana turned, “Hiya Kato-san. How’s it going?”

“Good. You?”

“Fine, fine.” Tachibana went back fiddling with his things.

“You doing to movie night?”

Tachibana sighed. “Yeah.”

“Don’t wanna see Godzilla?”

Tachibana smiled but shook his head. “No. It’s not that. I broke up with my uke.”

“Oh.” Kato responded.

“Yeah. It’s a shame, really. We were friends for a long time.”

“You can’t stay friends?”

“Nah, it doesn’t work like that. We should never have had sex.”

“I see.” Kato didn’t, but he also didn’t know what to say.

“Yup. Lost an uke, and a friend.” Tachibana sighed again.

“Do you have other friends?”

Tachibana chuckled. “Yes, yes. I have a few. But sucks being single again.”

Single. Murata’s conversation came to mind.

Tachibana looked seriously at Kato. “What are you doing with Takahashi-san?”

Kato gulped. “What do you mean?”

“I heard you ate lunch together and then you slept on his lap.”

“Well…” Kato blushed. How the fuck does this shit spread around here so fast? he wondered.

“Listen. I don’t believe in most of the shit that people said about him. I don’t really care. But you’re my roomie, you’re new here, and I don’t want to see you get wrapped up in all his shit and hurt.”

Kato was surprised that Tachibana cared.

“I don’t need you bawling and moping around all day.”

“Thanks.” Kato took back the nice thought he just had about Tachibana.

Tachibana chuckled. “I’ll say it again. Don’t have sex with him. And, whatever you do, don’t fall in love with him.”

Kato looked down, while saying, “We aren’t dating. Just friends.”

“Just be careful. Don’t make my mistake,” Tachibana quietly spoke.

There it is again, Kato thought. Does he actually care or not?

“Okay,” Kato replied.

Tachibana grabbed his stuff and headed for the showers.


The showers were abuzz with today’s adventures. The boys were laughing and playing as usual. This time when Kato entered the room, he was greeted. Kato was glad the whole place didn’t shut down as usual when he entered the room.

“Hey, Kato-san!” Higashihara exclaimed. “How’s it going?”

“Hey. Good. You?”

“Great! Your first time seeing a movie here, eh? Excited?”

Kato’s suddenly felt the excitement of the room and Higashihara infect him. “Yes, it sounds fun. I like popcorn.”

Some other boys laughed and chimed in, “Yes! We do too!”

“So, first date with Takahashi-san?” Higashihara questioned with a friendly smile.

“Uh. We’re not dating.” Kato replied with a slight blush.

A few of the boys snickered. “Is that so?” Higashihara smirked.

Kato didn’t know what to say at this point.

Higashihara got serious for a moment, “Hey. We ukes have got your back. If you have any problems with him, we’ll help.” The other boys started agreeing.

Kato was surprised to hear such support from these boys he hardly knew except having played cards with them for a couple hours. It made him feel better.

“Thank you,” was all Kato could think to say.

One boy spoke up, “So, did you really fall asleep in his lap?”

Kato’s hard blush came back. “I was exhausted! I fell asleep against him and he put me in his lap!”

All the boys started to titter.

“Aww, sounds cute. He’s trying to take care of you,” a different boy expressed.

Higashihara clapped his hand on Kato’s shoulder and with a big grin, he exclaimed, “Good luck!”

Kato, quite embarrassed, gave a small, polite bow and headed into the showers. He was rather exhausted and wouldn’t have minded staying in for the evening, but popcorn was something he could not turn down. As he stood under the hot shower, he reflected on the wisdom of getting too close to Takahashi. Well, he wasn’t close, he thought. He had only known the guy for parts of four days. He still barely knew the guy. Sure, they talked, he learned a lot. But he refused to believe they were dating.

Good luck, my ass, Kato thought. He also thought of the advice Tachibana gave him. I have no intention of having sex with Takahashi. And certainly not fall in love with him. Why do people keep thinking otherwise? One other annoying thought came across his tiny little mind. Why am I thinking about Takahashi all the damn time?




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