While most staff did not live onsite at the monastery, the option was certainly open to those who wished to. Because of commute times, especially in poor weather, some staff would spend part of the week at the monastery and the rest at home. Some would use it as an opportunity to get away for the weekend. Lord only knows what they were trying to get away from.
—Life at St. Catherine’s vol 2, p. 14
Kato entered his room. It really did seem so empty without Tachibana. Sure, his stuff was still here, but he wasn’t. Kato really did like him as a roommate. In a way, he was sorry that they never had the chance to become good friends.
He sat in the chair as dinner was still some time off. He began to think of Takahashi again. He recalled his body’s response to that very sensual act this morning, that of Takahashi tracing Kato’s belly button. He figured that his body might not care if it was a boy or a girl that touched it. It would probably respond the same.
Still, there was some dilemma in Kato’s mind. He knew of a gay boy once in his previous school. The kid was a nice and normal boy who happened to like other boys. Kato didn’t see anything wrong with that. The problem lies in that now this issue is personally affecting him. He knew he was becoming wrapped up, emotionally, in Takahashi, but it seemed a giant leap from where he was now to actually doing something “pervy” as he thought of it.
He really did like Takahashi’s body and would still enjoy a closer examination, if Takahashi would even let him do that. He also wanted to draw him. But he firmly believed that this was all still simple admiration of the human form, though somewhere in the back of his mind he heard a voice saying that he didn’t look at other boys that way.
Kato reminded himself to think of Takahashi first, even though he chided himself that he just spent 10 minutes thinking of himself first. He didn’t want to hurt Takahashi. It was the last thing he ever wanted to do. But he was simply not confident that this wouldn’t end up badly. How could he ever leap that huge chasm between what his mind was afraid of and what his body wanted.
Maybe I should masturbate more, Kato thought, so I can relieve any sexual tension and maybe stop thinking about Takahashi. This seemed reasonable to Kato, but he didn’t really believe it to be a good solution. He hadn’t done that since before his mom died. After that, he simply didn’t have a moment’s worth of privacy for such an act, nor was he even eager to do so. Life’s been too busy fucking me over for me to even want it, he thought bitterly. The only release were the two wet dreams, both involving Takahashi.
Kato sighed. He just didn’t know what to do with himself. He read a book long ago that had some great advice that he figured he’d just apply in such situations: put one foot in front of the other. So, Kato did just that and marched himself to the chow hall.
“Good evening.” Murata smiled at Kato.
“Good evening.” Kato smiled back.
“We gonna double-date again tonight?”
Kato wondered at that for a moment. He used to get so pissed when people would say or imply that he was dating Takahashi. Now he just rolled over and accepted it so as not to cause any more trouble.
“Yeah,” Kato replied.
“Cool. I’ve seen this movie many times, but Nakamura-san has never seen it.”
“Really?” Kato couldn’t believe that.
“Yeah. He said he was always gone so much that his parents never took the time to take him to a movie theater.”
Kato ate in silence for a minute. He noticed that the two regular boys weren’t here tonight, so it was just him and Murata at the table. He decided to ask a burning question.
“Murata-san. Have you and Nakamura-san, um, done it yet?” Kato asked shyly.
Murata simply looked at Kato. “Why do you ask?”
Kato looked down at his food. “I dunno. I’ve been having troubles with my feelings for Takahashi-san but I’m afraid he might soon want something more.”
“Ah.” Murata sighed. “We have not.”
“Why not?” Kato asked.
“I’m not ready,” Murata replied.
“Oh,” Kato said.
“He’s been kind. He said that it could start out as something very simple. Maybe a sensual message first. If I liked it and felt okay with it, maybe he could-” Murata paused.
“Could what?” Kato was insanely curious.
Murata blushed. “Masturbate me.”
“What?” Kato exclaimed, a little louder than he intended.
“Shh,” Murata warned. “Keep it down.”
“Sorry.” Kato winced.
“Every once in a while, I do it myself. I mean, what boy doesn’t? He said that he would do it for me. All I would have to do is lay there and relax.” Murata turned a shade darker.
“Pervy,” Kato remarked. He was blushing also. He couldn’t imagine such a personal thing as that being taken care of by Takahashi.
Murata snorted. “I didn’t agree to anything, yet!”
“Yet.” Kato chuckled.
“Enough about me, what about you?” Murata asked.
“We haven’t done anything. I’m just worried that if he wants to and I don’t, it might hurt him.” Kato was being sincere.
“Amazing,” Murata said in a tone of wonder.
“Huh?” Kato asked.
“That you think so highly of Takahashi-san that you are actually considering his feelings before your own.” Murata smiled.
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Kato said.
“You went further than you realize,” Murata noted.
“What do you mean?” Kato asked.
“This whole conversation you’ve been worried about one thing: Takahashi-san’s feelings.”
“I thought I was worried about having sex with him,” Kato said, as he still didn’t understand.
“It may seem like that to you, but what you’ve said to me is that you’re worried about how it might affect Takahashi-san if you didn’t want to have sex with him, not how it would affect you.”
Kato stared blankly. He wasn’t sure he understood that. “Huh?”
Murata chuckled. “Basically, you care enough about him that you are considering whether you are able to have sex with him or not.”
Kato sighed. “Maybe I should just let him, so his feelings won’t get hurt.”
“Don’t you fucking dare,” Murata warned.
“What?” Kato exclaimed. “Now you don’t want me to?”
“Kato-san. If you begrudgingly let Takahashi-san have sex with you, it will hurt him much, much deeper than if you refused him outright. You can’t do that to him. Such a thing may scar him permanently.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Idiot. He’s in love with you,” Murata stated plainly.
“What? How can you know that?” Kato asked.
“It’s plainly written on his face. I bet anyone can see it. But you are too close to him to see it. And you’re dense, remember?”
Kato stared at his food. “I don’t want to disappoint him.”
“That’s the right attitude,” Murata said. “I’m simply happy that you are thinking of someone else for a change.”
Kato looked up at Murata then back to his food.
“When the time comes, and I’m sure it will, do what you feel is right. If you refuse him, tell him why. Be honest. If you decide to proceed, make sure it is something you want. If you don’t want it and you do it anyways, you’ll hurt him and hate yourself.”
“Okay,” Kato replied. He didn’t say anything else. He had a lot to consider. He already made up his mind that he would not indifferently let Takahashi do what he wanted. It was all or nothing. He had one final thought before he left the chow hall, is Takahashi even interested in having sex with me in the first place?
It was a chilly, starry night as the Milky Way could be seen above in all its glory. It was a very pleasant sight as Kato walked out of the dorm. He spotted Murata, Nakamura, and Takahashi, all waiting on him. He really didn’t understand how he was always the one being waited on.
“Good evening, everyone,” Kato offered. They all replied similar greetings and the semes took the outside again with the ukes on the inside as they took the short walk to the theater building.
At the concessions counter, Takahashi said, “Get whatever you want.”
“I shouldn’t be spending your money,” Kato frowned.
Takahashi smirked. “You’re not. You’re helping me spend my dad’s money. If he knew I was using it to buy my date—who happens to be a boy—some treats, he’d probably die of a heart attack. You’d be doing me a favor.”
Kato smacked his arm. “Who said I’m your date?”
“I did.” Takahashi grinned.
Kato looked at Murata who simply shrugged and grinned back.
“Fine.” He picked out a few chocolates he really liked.
“One more thing,” Takahashi said. He pointed to a small cabinet to the side that had some plush toys. “Can I have the little wolf?” Takahashi asked. Then he swiped the silver card and gave the wolf to Kato.
“Wah! It’s so cute!” Kato adored it. He hugged it. “I’m going to call it Ken.” He’s loved plushies since he was a small boy.
“Shameless.” Takahashi smirked.
“Hey, it’s my wolf. I’ll call it what I want,” Kato said.
“Alright you two love birds, can we get some food too?” Murata asked.
Both boys moved to the side and then Nakamura bought Murata some stuff, including a plushie of a cute kitten that Murata just had to have.
The boys, with popcorn, candy, and plushies, went to find a seat in the theater.
Kato vacuumed up the popcorn in a hurry causing Takahashi to smile and shake his head. Kato then began to play with the wolf. It was dark grey with a light grey underbelly. He determined already that he would sleep each night with his wolf, or both should the occasion arise.
The lights dimmed and Kato held the one wolf in his hand and held out his other hand, palm down, waiting for the other wolf. He felt Takahashi’s warm hand come from below and they interlocked fingers. Kato’s heart was aglow. He started to realize that there is a definite possibility that Takahashi has feelings for him, but he wondered if Takahashi had the same worries about sex that Kato had. Seriously, why do I even think that he wants sex? Kato chided himself.
Kato felt someone playing with his hair and woke up. He noticed that he was, yet again, laying against Takahashi. It felt nice. He could smell Takahashi’s scent and the scent of some cologne that he must be wearing. Both scents mingled pleasantly.
He opened his eyes and saw that the credits were rolling. The lights in the theater hadn’t come on yet. “Sorry, I fell asleep again.” Kato apologized, but he didn’t move. He wanted to keep laying against Takahashi while his hair was being played with.
“I’ve come to expect it.” Takahashi chuckled.
After a minute, Kato sat up and looked to his left and saw empty seats. “Wait, where’d Murata-san and Nakamura-san go?”
“It looked like Murata-san wasn’t feeling well so they went back,” Takahashi said.
Kato looked down at their clasped hands. Then he looked up at Takahashi.
“Are you in love with me?” Kato asked.
Takahashi simply stared back at Kato.